Last night I tossed and turned with the anxiety that today would bring. The sheer thought of the uncertainty awaits me.
I started medical leave today.
The short-term leave portal is still in "Pending" status, and that’s a little unsettling. I had a friend take military leave once, and they decided to deny her leave after the fact, which put her in a bind for a few weeks, but that’s not what's bothering me.
What's bothering me is that I'm nervous bout the work I'm not doing. Maybe it's a feeling of guilt that my team has to pick up my portion of the work for a few weeks, but as I told them, "What good am I to the team if I'm not good for myself."
My mind has been so dialed into work that I do not think about anything besides work. That’s when I implemented hard stops. For me, Hard Stops mean that as soon as 5 pm hits, that’s it. This is what's implied by having a stop time, but we all know that the ones that go above and beyond are the ones that get the promotions. The people who give their personal time to something outside themselves or their home just to survive in this economy. Uncertainty is at an all-time high with high prices in the US due to inflation and a damn war unfolding right in our view. It’s a lot to digest while thinking about how to function “normally” when war is waged. People are begging and pleading for a cease-fire for their and their children's lives. As a veteran, it’s only evident that the US will get involved if this gets worse than it is. Then, we will be just as worried. Now it’s your sons and daughters. Husbands and wives are now being put in harm’s way. I admire the President of Ukraine. He said, “This might be the last time you see me alive.” That’s a speech that many veterans have said to themselves, but he got to say it on an international platform.
Uncertainty is the anxiety I'm feeling—on day 1 of week 1.
I have a plan for the future before I can fully embark on that journey. I need to be sure I'm in good head space. I need to prepare myself to tap into the flow state. This is also known as getting into the zone. I am bringing focus—the calm before the storm.